I’ve been a dispatcher for 22 years. You’d think by now I could understand any deputy or officer say any name, no matter what. Well, you might think so, but you’d be wrong.
September 22, 2016
June 3, 2016
“Say, Pooh, why aren’t you busy?” I said.
“Because it’s a nice day,” said Pooh.
“Yes, but —”
“Why ruin it?” he said.
“But you could be doing something Important,” I said.
“I am, ” said Pooh.
“Oh? Doing what?”
“Listening,” he said.
“Listening to what?”
“To the birds. And that squirrel over there.”
“What are they saying?” I asked.
“That it’s a nice day,” said Pooh.
“But you know that already,” I said.
“Yes, but it’s always good to hear that somebody else thinks so, too,” he replied.
August 29, 2015
9 1/2 hours on channel two Friday night. A full Moon. In August. At one point, 25 units on my channel. All it takes is one to decide to do a traffic stop, then suddenly ALL of them want to do traffic stops! Fights. Parties. Loud music. More fights. No barking dogs, oddly. Reckless drivers. Drunk drivers. A couple of wrecks. Several ambulance runs, one a 15 day old difficulty breathing, one 84 year old difficulty breathing. Shots heard. Child exchanges. Child exchanges that didn’t happen, and the other parent is pissed. Welfare checks because somebody on Facebook was fishing for attention and “seemed” suicidal. Abandoned cars. People pulled over on the side of the road and being “suspicious”…. as they talked on their cell phones for 20 minutes. Drunks staggering down the shoulder of the road. More loud music calls. Crappy radios… “it’s the heat” “it’s the cold” “it’s the fog” “it’s the rain” < reasons for crappy radio transmissions. Units chomping at the bits to join the CHP’s pursuit before it runs out of the county. It ran out of the county. Bar brawl, ambulance needed. Second ambulance needed. Laceration and “asthma” (panic) attack. Juvenile calling in and harassing the dispatchers. Vulgar. Threatening. Dozens of times. Not bright, we know who he is. Cookies in dispatch. Didn’t last long. Air unit doing patrol checks. Three at a time. Put him on one, take him off. Update city unit that keyed up immediately after. Put air unit on second patrol check, take him off. Respond to deputy doing a traffic stop. Put air unit on last check, take him off. Answer the 9-1-1 line, because everybody else in the room is already on a phone. Lucky, just a quick transfer to CHP, off the phone quick. More loud music. How come we never do anything about it?? I’ve called a bunch of times! No, I don’t want contact, just make them stop! Direct the young lady who has decided at 6:30 pm on a Friday that she’d like information on becoming a police officer to call back Monday during business hours to talk to somebody about it. Another party! I have to get up at 4am! Racing vehicles… give it to CHP. Send a deputy to assist CHP, because the car they stopped has a fight between a man and woman in progress. Burglar alarms sounding, owners will only respond if it’s an actual burglary. I just got home, and I was robbed! The tweeker is not sure what’s missing, but they’re sure something was taken. It’s Friday night, the teenager has been missing since Wednesday morning, but we better go ahead and report it now.
Man, I love my job!
The fly in the ointment: I have divine dispensation from natural disasters even though I’m gay and the cause of them.
May 8, 2015
“God is systematically destroying America,” chaplain John McTernan, the founder of Defend and Proclaim the Faith ministries wrote in a blog post on his website in October of 2012 (apparently now deleted). “Just look at what has happened this year,” referring to Hurricane Sandy.
Pat Robertson said the 1994 Northridge earthquake in Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley could be attributed to God’s displeasure with gays and lesbians, pro-choice activists, and “perversity,”
Cindy Jacobs, of Generals International, blamed the 9.0 earthquake and resulting tsunami that killed more than 15,000 people in Japan on homosexuality.
God is really pissed at us for “the gay”.
But he seems to really like me. I’m both gay, and an atheist, so I’m a bit confused by the whole thing.
Why do I say he likes me? Well, according to so many vociferously anti-gay preachers, God is sending natural disasters to punish us for tolerating and accepting “the gay”. But when I went to Kansas this month to visit relatives, he missed an easy opportunity to make a point.
The week before I visited, the region around my sister’s home was hit with severe storms, and even had storm chasers out posting live video on the internet, just down the road from her house! I was watching live, here in California, as a severe storm produced tornadoes in the immediate area. The four days I was there, however, the weather was sunny, clear, and pleasant! The day I left, the bad weather started back up, and the area was again hit with tornadoes, like the one seen forming in the picture above, taken from cell phone video shot by my brother-in-law. Indeed, on my entire trip, I only got rained on a little bit, snowed on for literally seconds, and hardly needed my coat.
The only bad weather that I can see which might be directed at me is the drought here in California. The trouble is, it’s effect is the most severe in the very region that is so very anti-gay! This area is bright, bright red, super-conservative, and deeply religious. Heck, the local Sheriff (my boss!) introduced the keynote speaker at the recent Tulare County Prayer Breakfast, the nationally known anti-gay crusader and hate group leader, Tony Perkins. This region is not known for supporting the gays. (Visalia is progressing nicely, but it’s a bright spot on an otherwise dismal map)
Bad weather scares the beejeebies out of new residents in central Kansas. The Gaytheist comes to visit, and it’s gorgeous. He leaves, and the storm chasers are back out with huge tornadic activity in the area.
For a deity so allegedly worked up about “the gay”, he’s confusing the hell out of me.
April 20, 2015
Meet Katharina. Or what she might look like. Or certainly what the sender of the following email would want a man to think Katharina might look like.
“Hi babe. , Cool and nice conversation we had in that place… had some fun times there…; sure that you remember me.
want to remember me? I am at (censored URL, not giving them promotion),…
You were my knight in shinning armor :)I’d like to know if we have common interests.
I hope youre as serious as I am, I will be waiting for your response”
Every once in a while emails or Kik messages show up that make me giggle. Well, I say giggle…
more a snortle, maybe. Sometimes just a slow shake of the head. They’ve obviously done a blind scattershot of emails and messages, without checking to see if they’re actually hitting the correct demographic.
Tell me, my straight guys, is this come-on something you would respond to?
I was her “knight in shining armor”… hope my sword wasn’t rusty. I do so seldom get to rescue damsels in distress, or slay dragons. I wonder if I was gallant. Maybe she’ll write me a follow-up email, just to refresh my memory.
March 18, 2015
A contingent from the Los Angeles Chapter of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence were the featured program for the Tulare-Kings Counties PFLAG March meeting. Four of the Sisters drove up from Los Angeles to tell us about the group and it’s charitable works, along with a non-stop barrage of one-liners and poignant stories.
October 3, 2014