That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

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trump

Mueller has sent his “confidential report” to the Attorney General, William Barr. Barr has sent a letter to Congress, saying the report finds no evidence of collusion between 45, or anyone associated with him, and the Russians in the run-up to the 2016 election.

In the report, Mueller says “while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.”

Naturally, 45 immediately claimed on Twitter, “No Collusion, No Obstruction, Complete and Total EXONERATION. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!”

Sigh.

Donnie, that’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.

The Southern District of New York is still in the game. As are numerous state investigations. Not to mention the House of Representatives. You’re a long way from “complete and total exoneration,” Donnie.

I feel a bit like I’m in a crime drama, and the grizzled FBI agent tells me about this Mafia boss and his crime family and all the heinous crimes they’ve committed over the decades. When I ask why they’re not all in jail, the reply is “we’ve never been able to make anything stick.”  In no version of that show does anyone then say, “well, that must mean he’s totally innocent!” Well, the mafia boss might, but he doesn’t count.

Somebody on the Internet said Robert Mueller popped his head up out of the ground, saw his shadow, so now we’ll have two more years of this mess. I hope we can stand it.

We need to see the report, if for no other reason than to figure out how 45 pulled this off. Remember, he never expected, or really wanted, to win the Presidency. We need to see how Putin managed to manipulate the election, and how to protect ourselves from the next attack.

Meanwhile, Hair Furor will continue to scream “NO COLLUSION! TOTAL EXONERATION!” with every Tweet.

 

The Future That Never Was

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georgejetson I live in the future, and things are not as I was promised.

Back in the 1960’s, when I was Space Cadet Jimmie Joe, there were certain things that we simply knew would exist, off in the far distant future of the 21st Century. The big one, of course, was the flying car. The Jetsons‘ of 1962 got that wrong. Back To The Future of 1985 got it wrong, too. Space Cadet Jimmie Joe has never quite forgiven any of them for that.

The Jetsons‘ had big screen televisions and video phones, which we’ve pretty well matched. We get our dinners from a magic box we call a microwave oven, which is a pretty good substitute for dinner sliding out of the wall on a conveyor belt. And, of course, the Internet. Of all the future tech people wrote about in my childhood, nobody really thought of that one. So much for prognostication.

The future I live in has interesting quirks, some rather depressing. We have 400 channels of television, and nothing much worth watching. We have satellite radio, also with hundreds of channels.  The FM and AM radio bands are filled with screaming DJs, or drivel-filled talk shows that cater to conspiracy theories and “fake news”.

While the future is not quite Blade Runner, neither is it Star Trek.

I ran into one quirk this morning. It turns out that in the 21st century, if the computer goes down the fast food joint can’t serve anything. Nobody knows how to do anything without the computer adjudicating it first.

The grill was still hot. The french fryer still bubbling. The soda machine could still dispense a Coke. But without the computer, nothing happens.

Nobody knows how to take an order, write it down, add up the price, figure out the sales tax, and make a sale. Business comes to a screeching halt, all because the computer crashed.

I suppose that’s all so very futuristic of them, but it sure seems like we missed the boat (flying car) somewhere.

Oh. And my Congressman is suing a cow. A fake cow. For being mean to him.

Welcome to the 21st Century, Space Cadet Jimmie Joe.

 

Devin Nunes is suing a cow.

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devincow  So a fake cow said mean things about Congressman Devin Nunes (R-Tulare), and he’s suing.

Twitter parody account @DevinCow had about 1,000 followers Saturday night. Monday morning the news hit that Nunes, former head of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence and now ranking member, was suing Twitter, the person behind an account called “DevinsMom” (since removed because Nunes’ real mother complained to Twitter), and the cow*.

Twitter users immediately dumped a skip-loader’s worth of cow-pie scorn on him. Parody accounts flourished, all taking him to task for attacking an account that had only about a thousand followers before Monday. Twitter users flocked to follow the herd, and cow jokes have been thicker than flies around a sump pond. Steven Colbert even set up a one-Tweet parody page, Devin’s Skin. It’s message? “Still Thin”.

By Wednesday, @DevinCow had surpassed the 398,000 followers on Nunes‘ personal account, and as of this writing has 608,000. Nunes’ official Congressional Twitter account has only 32,000 followers, and is rarely used by the California Republican.

You’d think a dairyman would know how NOT to step in a pile of cow shit, but since it’s been a long time since Devin has actually worked on, or owned any interest in, a dairy, perhaps he’s forgotten. Maybe he became used to the muck in Washington, D.C., and this all just seems very normal to him.

So… he’s suing Twitter. Devin says he’s due $250,000,000 for all the pain, suffering, mental anguish, and damage to his reputation (because, see, he *almost* lost the last election. Too many of his constituents must be too easily swayed by that low-down, no-good, scurrilous cow and her mean Tweets!).

This is the same Devin Nunes that told C-SPAN in 2010 that he had no problem with people saying demeaning, rude, or hostile things to government officials.

This is the same Devin Nunes that is a co-sponsor on a bill to prevent frivolous lawsuits.

My, how times have changed!

*ok, he’s not suing a real cow. He’s going after whoever runs that account. Legal observers say it’s udder-ly crazy for him to expect to win. 1st Amendment, you know.

Oh, and I’m still blocked from his personal account. I’m assuming it’s something I said.

Eye candy is good for the eyes. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

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eyecandy03162019

It’s been a while since I posted any eye candy.

You’re welcome.

90 days? Ha! How about 15 years!

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opportunity_goodbye

NASA and JPL have closed the books on the Mars Opportunity rover. Designed for a 90 day mission, the little explorer-that-could made it almost 15 years. The last transmission from the rover has been translated into something a bit anthropomorphic and pensive, and variations on the above image have become Internet memes.  Someday someone will find it sitting forlornly in a pile of Martian dust, and at that point we’ll have to decide whether to bring it back to be displayed in the Smithsonian, or to create a permanent historical park on Mars.

Good job, Opportunity (you, too, Spirit and Sojourner). Rest easy, we’ll find you someday.

When is a zero not a zero?

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no-zeroWhen is a zero not a zero? Turns out, when it’s an ‘o’.

For almost 25 years, I’ve been a 9-1-1/law enforcement dispatcher. One task of many in dispatching is to check DMV, DOJ, and national databases for registration and stolen status on vehicles. These checks are usually done by the license plate number, but sometime we have to use the Vehicle Identification Number, also known as the VIN.

From day one of my training, way back in 1994, I was told there are two characters never used in VINs. The letter ‘o’, and the letter ‘i’. This is because they are generally indistinguishable from zeros and ones, especially on VIN plates located on vehicle dashboards or engines. Simple. Every time you see 0 or 1 in a VIN, they are numbers, not letters.

Until yesterday.

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Star Trekking with Tom Jones

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tomjonestrek

I got to see him in concert, once, in Visalia. Took my Mom. We both had a great time.

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