JimmieJoe

The right-wing loons have for a while now been going ballistic about drag queens “grooming” children. They claim that children will be ‘seduced’ (or something) into the LGBTQ lifestyle if they have a “man in a dress” read stories to them. It always seemed like nonsense to me, but I’ve been thinking recently about an event in my life when I was about 5 years old that may hold the key to my homosexuality. It all dates back to a home-made soft drink.

It is, apparently, very easy to turn someone gay. A rainbow flag, a drag queen reading a children’s story, gay characters on television. Franklin Graham thinks inviting gay children into your home won’t turn them straight, but will turn your kids gay.

Graham said, “I was talking to some Christians and they were talking about how they invited these gay children to come into their home and to come to church and that they were wanting to influence them.

“And I thought to myself, they’re not going to influence those kids, those kids are going to influence those parent’s children.”

The power of “the gay” is so much greater than the allegedly default heterosexual orientation.

This explains why I’m gay.

My parents were both straight. My sisters are straight. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, and most (if not all) of my teachers were straight. I don’t recall seeing homosexuals on television or in the movies unless they were depicted as criminal, insane, predatory, molesters, or suicidal. Certainly nothing in the general media I ever saw was positive. So how did I end up gay?

Well, I think I may have been slipped a gay mickey when I was five.

One evening my parents took me and my younger sister with them to visit a friend of theirs. I remember being uneasy at his house, uncomfortable around him. Now this could just have been my natural shyness, but I’ve always had this memory of that man being somewhat effeminate. I could be mis-remembering that, however. (It was sixty years ago, after all!)

This gentleman had a bar set up in his home. (a popular thing in the 60’s was to have a small bar in the den or family room) He mixed up some drinks for my parents, and offered to make me one. I was not comfortable with the idea. In my 5 year old mind it seemed strange that a grown-up would be offering to mix me up a drink. I didn’t say anything, but my parents said it was OK.

He grabbed a glass, and began mixing up a drink, handing it to me when he was done. My parents told me to go ahead and drink it. I took a cautious sip, and was very surprised. “It’s a Pepsi!” I exclaimed. The adults laughed at me a bit, not in a mean way, and I continued to drink my soda.

Well, that must have been it. Along with the caramel coloring, flavoring, and soda water, he must have slipped the “gay mickey” in there as well. It’s obviously tasteless, because even at 5 years old I was very discerning in my soda consumption.

Acknowledging gay kids in school or church, having drag queens read children stories, and flying the rainbow flag “grooms” kids to be gay. I suppose the mickies aren’t needed any more, since those things are so much more powerful than “normal” orientation.

So here’s to being ‘seduced’ into gayness by a spiked soft drink. It only took another thirty years to come into full effect.

Disclaimer: I do NOT really believe I was turned gay by a spiked soda. There’s no such thing. Drag queens don’t “groom” kids, gay kids can’t turn other kids gay, and a rainbow flag can’t flap the gayness right into someone.

What I do believe is that the right-wing loons are simply haters who will do or say anything to disseminate their hatred of the LGBTQ community. Well, as the old saying goes, “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!”

Anyone want a soda? I’ve got this great recipe. 😉