Albert Didn’t Visit Us Last Night

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The Duty Officer has many responsibilities to tend to during his or her shift in dispatch.  One of those duties is answering the intercoms posted at various doors to the building.  Several times a night, the buzzer at one or the other of the doors will sound, with someone needing help.  Almost without fail, they are looking for the jail.  Posting signs at either intercom, indicating that each particular door is NOT the jail, and pointing out where one needs to go to find the jail, rarely produces the desired result.  They still buzz, and are still looking for the jail.  Last night, we had one that had me laughing harder than I have for a long time.

“BUUUZZZZZZ”  (they love to hold down that call button)

Duty officer:  “Can I help you?”

Gentlemen at the intercom:  “Yes”.

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Weekly Roundup @ 9-1-1

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Some of this weeks more memorable calls:

#1. A woman found her horse, and wants a Deputy to help her pick it up.  Trouble is, is it really her horse?  You see, it’s been missing for a while, and she’s just located it at a rental stable.  She goes into a long story that basically boils down to – her daughter took the horse that she (the daughter) considered hers, after Mom and Dad went through a nasty divorce.  Daughter took the horse to a boarding stable, and didn’t tell Mom where it was.  Mom finally found out, and went to claim “her” horse (she “paid for it, fed it, has the papers”) and is upset the stable owners won’t let her take it, even going so far as to change the lock on the gate!  (How dare they?!?!)  Of course, the stable owners only have her word on it, as far as they know, the person paying the stable rental fees is the actual owner.  Woman wants the Deputy to help her take “her” horse.

Not going to happen.  Settle it in court.  Woman not happy, will call back later.

#2. Drunk woman sobbing on the phone.  She’s been abandoned by her kids somewhere in California!  She doesn’t know where she is!  Help her!  She tells me she’s on Highway 198.  OK, Highway 198 is close to a hundred miles from end to end!  Where on Highway 198??  She doesn’t know!  She’s near a Chevron station.  (We see from the cell tower address that she’s got to be close to Three Rivers, but that still leaves a lot of area to cover)

After about an hour of trying to get her to figure out where she is, and multiple calls of her sobbing and hanging up on us, we track it down.  She’s drunk. Very drunk. She wandered away from a local bar, her ‘significant other’ got tired of her and left her there and returned to his hotel room.  We finally got her back to the room with ‘hubby’ (or whoever) and tucked in for the night.  Oh.. the wonders of alcohol!

#3. Gangster wanna-be (and stupid with a capital S) teenager tries to shoot at someone, but misses.  Three targets, in close proximity, and he’s got a shotgun.  Lucky for the intended targets, this dip is a lousy shot, and misses all of them!  That’s one reason our gang related shootings only sometimes result in serious injury or death – the shooters are all really bad shots!

#4. Better shot in front of the ‘stop and rob’ along the freeway.  A call that we originally thought was an armed robbery with shots fired turned out to be a fight in the parking lot that escalated into someone grabbing their shotgun and blasting away.  Everyone was gone before we got units on the scene, including the victim, but he showed up at a local hospital fairly quickly.  Detectives still tracking down this one, but they’ve got some good intel, so it’s probably only a matter of time.

It was a slow week, maybe the weather kept them in.  More later.

You’ll NOT put a towel down on MY floor, by Gawd!

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At least she didn’t call 9-1-1….

But she did call the Sheriff’s Office because her roommate told her she couldn’t put a towel on the floor while she took a shower.  They actually got into a heated argument about it, to the point where shower girl called the cops!  The other half fled before the Deputy arrived, so not much got resolved.  We don’t even know if towel girl got to take her shower,  bare floor or not.

 

I can hear you now!

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I’m back at work after an almost European vacation of 5 weeks. It’s all coming back to me.

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Aww… Dammit!

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It’s not a matter of “if”, it’s a matter of “when”.  If you wear one of these devices, you WILL ,at some point, say something you wished you hadn’t.  And it will be heard by folks you’ll wish hadn’t.  A Southwest pilot had that experience earlier this year. His unhappiness with the dating pool was broadcast across air traffic control frequencies when either his push to talk button got stuck, or he forgot to reconfigure his headset for intercom rather than radio.  Whatever caused the mishap, he let loose to his co-pilot, expressing his frustration with the number of gay and older flight attendants.  Apparently he can’t get laid unless the object of his affections is a young lady also wearing the Southwest blazer.  Perhaps he needs to expand his horizons!

I’ve been caught a time or two by open microphones.  Luckily, I don’t talk about my “dating” life at work!

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Dispatchers Fueled By Sugar?

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The secret to 10 hour shifts.

They Said WHAT?

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Sometimes you just wouldn’t believe some of the things I hear on the radio at work.

What’s even more fun is some of the things I get to say!

What’cha gonna do when they come for you?

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These don’t really happen all that often, and when they do they tend to end pretty quickly.  Not last Friday night.  We had one of those rare pursuits that lasted for almost half an hour.  Amazingly, it ended up without a crash, a blown engine, or any injuries.  That’s always a good way to end a high speed pursuit!

It started in the country outside of Earlimart.  A deputy out of the Pixley Sub-Station tried to make a stop on a vehicle, but they decided to make a run for it.  The chase was on!

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The Thursday From Hell

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A busy night in dispatch last Thursday.   Sometimes it’s slow, sometimes it’s busy, and some nights it’s just crazy batshit nuts.  Thursday was the lattermost.

A murder always sends us into a frenzy.  First, the 9-1-1 calls start flooding in, everybody within blocks grabs a cell phone and dials.  Most of them have no clue what happened, or where they are, they just scream at us to get the cops there, and why are we asking all these dumb questions??  And EVERY call has to be answered and checked, because we never know when the most important bit of information will come in, or from where.  And in the middle of the chaos, we still have to deal with the normal traffic load, because that doesn’t stop just because someone got shot!  There could be someone else needing an ambulance, or their house could be on fire, or their baby could be choking.  It all has to be handled, right now, and correctly.

Even when…

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