I’m sensing a pattern here…

Leave a comment

earthThe Black Death. The Spanish Flu. Ebola. Swine flu. H1N1. Now, Corvid-19.

The planet is warming. This results in coastal flooding, and storms more ferocious and frequent than in the past.

World leadership is trending towards idiocy and greed. Whole groups ignoring science and reality.

I think I know what’s happening.

The Earth is trying to kill us.

Sometime during the fall of the Roman Empire, Mother Nature probably noticed the naked apes were getting a bit problematic. The first attempts to thin the heard were only partially successful, even though the Black Death was staggering in it’s swath across Europe. The only thing the apes liked doing more than killing each other was making more apes, and as soon as they were able, they went right back to those pass-times.

As time went on, the crazy ones led their troops to war, and millions died. But still they made more.

Now, with another pandemic sweeping the planet, what do the apes do? Hoard toilet paper and bottled water. Some of them even claim there’s no threat, and continue to act in ways to make the problem worse, all the time screaming “FAKE NEWS!”

So now the Earth is raising it’s temperature, and mutating flu virus’ as fast as it can, hoping to save itself and whatever other life can hang on.

We can hardly blame it.

Mother Nature Attempts Revenge for Dandelion Massacre

Leave a comment

Scene of the attempted homocide.

Visalia, CA – Mother Nature, in a blatant act of revenge, attempted to commit homocide* this afternoon.   Using one of the most pervasive tools at her disposal, gravity, the suspect, generally considered a loving, benign caretaker of all things natural, tried to revenge herself for the recent actions of a local resident, Jim Reeves, 53.

On March 19, 2010, this website published an expose, written by Reeves, about Mother Nature, revealing a heretofore secret about the favoritism shown by her towards one particular member of her menagerie.

Yes, the dandelion.  That expose, and recent attempts by the victim to remove them from his front yard, resulted in today’s attempt at  homocide*.  While the intended victim was on a ladder cleaning debris from rain gutters, Mother Nature increased friction between the ladder steps and his boots, and caused a sudden surge in the gravity field just beneath him.  While the attempt caught the intended victim off guard, a quick and graceful (well, not graceful, but let’s not argue with success) cat-like mid-air twist resulted in a safe landing feet first on the sidewalk.   The attack was thwarted by the quick reactions and general he-man-ness of the modest Visalia resident.  “She may try again,” said Reeves, “but she’ll have to do better than that.  I may be getting older, but I’m not an old man just yet! I suspect she’ll lay low for a while, but if I know her, she’ll try again. ”

*yes, we know that’s not the correct spelling of homicide.  Reeves’ insisted on this spelling.  He’s also aware what speaking in the third person means.

Mother Nature and Her Plants (via JimmieJoe.com)

Leave a comment

She’s Back! Mother Nature is making her annual appearance in my yard.

Mother Nature and Her Plants Mother Nature.  What a gal…  You’ve got to give her credit, she’s quite the industrious gardener.  Leave a plot of ground unattended for even a short time, and she’ll dive right in and start working.  Even our lawns aren’t spared her loving touch.  She must not really care for the carefully manicured, smooth expanses that most of us like in front of our homes.  It takes no time at all for her to start her ministrations,  tossing seeds hither an … Read More

via JimmieJoe.com

Mother Nature and Her Plants

1 Comment

Mother Nature.  What a gal…  You’ve got to give her credit, she’s quite the industrious gardener.  Leave a plot of ground unattended for even a short time, and she’ll dive right in and start working.  Even our lawns aren’t spared her loving touch.  She must not really care for the carefully manicured, smooth expanses that most of us like in front of our homes.  It takes no time at all for her to start her ministrations,  tossing seeds hither and yon, and upsetting the best laid plans of everyone trying to have a putting green (or at least a fairway) as their yard.

I envision her as a somewhat absent minded (in that carefully crafted,  wisdom-of-the-ages style),  slightly distracted, but always completely aware of what’s going on.  Puttering around in her garden, which is of course the entire planet, cooing sweet nothings to her botanical charges. Look, a butterfly just landed on her outstretched finger.  They’re whispering something to each other, but of course we’ll never be privy to what they share.  Sometimes she’ll look over at you while she’s in communion with her various creatures, and I swear she’s telling it some funny little story, probably at the human’s expense.  She’s not above a little teasing, now and then.

I’ve discovered one thing about her, however.  I know what her favorite flower is.

More

%d bloggers like this: