July 4 – Civil War

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alexjones

I must have missed the memo. To where do I report for the July 4 Civil War that’s going to be started by us liberals? Is my BB gun weapon enough? It looks like a 9mm hand gun, but I don’t even have any BBs at the moment. I hope the stores haven’t sold out, I’m sure there must have been a run on them by now.

Alex Jones says we liberals are going to launch a civil war this Wednesday. Totally coincidentally, Jones sells lots of survivalist gear on his site, so after you watch his war warnings, you can go buy all the stuff you’ll need to survive this holocaust. Best choose the “overnight shipping” option, though.

I suppose my best contribution will be in the communications/radio tent. I can dispatch the hell out of this war, but I’ll need all the secret codes and unit designators so I know who I’m talking to and what I’m telling them. I’d hate to get something wrong, and have Bravo Unit attack a Starbucks, rather than the Walmart.

Image: Alex Jones Twitter

(I usually don’t cross post, but this one is too funny not to make fun of in as many places as possible.)

Survey says!

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phone-survey

So yesterday I did something I rarely do…  I picked up my ringing landline phone at home, even though the caller ID was unclear about who was calling. I’m glad I did, because I think I got to skew a conservative, oil-industry survey.

I’m pretty sure I was speaking with a woman in a call center somewhere in India. Her accent was pretty thick, and I had to ask a couple of time for her to repeat what she said. Except for the language barrier, the survey went pretty well. For me, anyway. I’m sure whoever sponsored the call isn’t going to be happy with my responses.

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