Not my demon, apparently

Demon possessed. That’s what the ex-chaplain says.  Gays have an “un-human demonic spirit” in them.

A local resident of Visalia, Sam Lukes, said we have a “diabolically twisted lifestyle” in a recent letter to the editor*.

Russian actor Ivan Okhlobystin is ready to toss us in the nearest oven.  The government is not far behind, as the Duma (Russia’s Parliament) has passed into law sweeping edicts that seem to make even talking about homosexuality a crime.  The 2014 Olympics are taking a hit over the crackdown.

We’ve made some impressive progress over the past few decades, and things, at least in the USA and some other progressive western nations, are getting better.

But to listen to some of these nutjobs talk, you’d think Satan himself was walking the Earth in a leather harness and spiked heels.  As they describe what it is to be gay, I’m looking at myself and thinking…

What the hell??

Is MY demon asleep at the switch?  Diabolically twisted lifestyle?  Aren’t unhuman demons supposed to be out partying to beat the band?  You know – sex, drugs, and rock and roll???

Can I change this slacker out for something a bit more interesting?  I may be ancient in gay years, but come on!  For as long as I was in the closet, you’d think he’d be partying hearty to catch up on his quotas!

I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s some kind of retribution thing for being so ridiculously closeted for so long.   I can just see it…  “oh, NOW you want me to gay you up??  Forget it old man, you’re stuck with dullsville.  I’m just biding my time till you croak, then I’m outta here for some hot kid without a lick’o sense!

A thought just struck me.  Along with refusing to perform his demonic duties, this sucker has been screwing around with me.  That’s the only thing that satisfactorily explains everything.  No wild gay lifestyle.  No all night parties.  No trolling Craigslist, Grindr, Scruff, etc. for other demon-possessed former humans.  The hair that used to be fairly thick on the cranium has mostly vanished, with some of it wandering down inside my ears and nose.  A growing belly on a ridiculously skinny frame.  My gaydar is notoriously unreliable.   I couldn’t swish if my life depended on it.  That’s it.  Revenge.  My demon is a bastard, and will do anything in it’s power to make me as un-gayish as possible.  (of course, you can’t kill it all.  Not even a demon can do that.  Some gay always remains, thank goodness.)


I wonder which is worse?  Believing in such things, and suspecting that I have a defective demon, or not believing in them, and having no one but myself to blame?

So, what do you think?  Defective demon, or just boring old guy?



* The paper will eventually put the letter behind the paywall, so here it is.  (Don’t tell them I reprinted it. They get all persnickety about that kind of thing.)

The Dec. 2 political cartoon on the opinion page, which depicted Jesus not condemning gay marriage, is sheer blasphemy at its worst. Jesus proclaimed that the institution of marriage was strictly between a male and female (Matthew 19:4-6). The Apostle Paul, whom Jesus personally tutored (Galatians 1:11, 12) denounced homosexual relationships (Romans 1:26-28).

No amount of opposing arguments or man-made legislation will ever alter the Creator’s proclamation that homosexuality is an “abomination” unto God (Leviticus 18:22). Society may blatantly shake its fist in arrogant defiance to God’s natural laws, and societal mind-set may change over generations, but neither God nor Jesus will ever advocate a perversion which they have condemned (Malachi 3:6 and Hebrews 13:8).

For shame to those preachers who have chosen to remain silent and those Christians who haven’t taken the time in addressing such a despicable cartoon that erroneously views their savior as being in agreement with a diabolically twisted lifestyle.

Sam Lukes