It’s not that I hate cheese, but…

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big cheeseburger with melted cheese and glittery background.

NOT what I ordered!

I never order a cheeseburger. Never.

I keep being served cheeseburgers.

Now, I don’t hate cheese. Really, I don’t. I’m quite content to have a splattering of cheese on my taco, or a slice of American on a sandwich (on occasion). I’ll eat a slice or two right out of the ‘individual wrapper’. I’ve even been known to chow down several slices of pizza, as long as it’s ham and pineapple.

I just really, really, REALLY don’t want it on my hamburger.

Why, then, do fast food places around here insist on giving me a cheeseburger?

I’ve tried to figure it out, and I can only come up with two explanations.

One, the burger makers love cheeseburgers, and can’t conceive of anyone NOT having cheese on their burgers, so it never occurs to them that the lack of “cheese”, or “minus cheese”, on the order ticket might mean that the customer DOESN’T WANT ANY GAWD DAMNED CHEESE on their burger.


It’s Not That Difficult… Really, It’s NOT!

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First it was the King.  The ads got creepy, and I started having problems with my order.  I left the kingdom for good after too many royal pains with my simple order.  It’s about as simple as it comes: NO CHEESE.  That’s it.  The only simpler request is to just take the default preparation.


Carl let me down


Last year it was the King who disappointed me, getting my orders wrong time after time.  Now, it’s Carl.  He didn’t get the order wrong, but it certainly was a let down.  I pulled into the drive through at the nearby Carl’s Jr this evening, intending to get one of their “Six Dollar Burgers”.  I first saw the window banner, then the menu board listing for the teryaki burger.  That’s it in the picture.  Well, that’s the advertising model, at any rate.  Looks delicious, doesn’t it?   I’ve had some really good teryaki burgers in the past, and I had high hopes.  Red Robin has a good one, and the now-closed Baker’s Square had one I really like, too.  I thought to myself, “self, that looks good!  Get that!”  My self replied “You’re right! That looks yummy!  We’ll get that!”

I really wish I had taken a picture of what I got home with, but I didn’t think of it until it was too late.  The pineapple was a slim little cut, less than a third of the thickness you see above.  The meat was probably close, but it was a bit tired looking, like it had been under a heat lamp a couple of minutes too long.  The lettuce was limp, the tomatoes a bit bland.  The only thing that lived up to expectations was the onion slices.

That is not an acceptable burger to send home with someone, especially after teasing them with pictures like that.  So, sorry Carl, you’ve joined the King on my shit list.


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