Bar-CodeIn the 40’s, it was the Nazis.  In the 50’s, it was the Communists.  In the 60’s, it was the hippies.  In the 70’s, it was the Nixon administration.  Something is always just about to come over the hill, or around the corner, and destroy “THE AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE!!” (trademark, copyright 1776)

We’ve had an endless onslaught of nonsense from the doomsayers for more than 70 years.  (truth be told, for a lot longer than that)  The past 5 years have been incredibly dense with “Chicken Littles”, however.  We’ve had the ‘death panels’.  Birth certificates.  The power of a father seen only a few times in a lifetime over the mind of a man elected President.  “He’s a socialist!” “He’s a communist!”  “He’s gay, and gay married!”  “IT’S THE END OF OUR WAY OF LIFE!!!!”

Facebook is now seeing the latest round of nonsense, that combines more hysteria and the fear of “big government!”.  (No, not the big government that wants to tell you what to do with your body, or who you can marry, the OTHER big government.)  Today’s breathless end-of-our-lives-as-we-have-known-them claims?  Chips!

implant_chip

Seen on Facebook: “This is the New World Order Obama health reform The reform includes a microchip implant to citizens in 2013”

The government, through Obamacare, is going to implant 330 million Americans with chips! This is true, because Facebook has told me so, and we know that means it’s REAL! This is scheduled, according to Facebook*, to happen in 2013.
Oops. We’re already IN 2013… in fact, we’re 117 days into 2013 as of this writing, and as far as we know, there have been no implants done yet. That leaves less than 248 days (including weekends and holidays) to get 330 MILLION people en-chip-ified! That’s more than a million three hundred thousand a day. Every day. They better get a move on!

Back in the dark ages,  way back before cell phones and the Internet, back in the dim reaches…  of the 1980’s…  there was another scare.  People were up in arms at the latest government plot to control their lives, and track their every move.  How would the Feds do this?  How would they know everything about you?  Barcodes!  Yep, barcodes.

The hue and cry was something to see.  “The mark of the DEVIL!!”  “Socialism!” (is there anything that can’t be twisted to ‘socialism!’?)  “the government will track our purchases!”

Some folks swore to only shop in places where the products were either bar-code free, or the store didn’t use a scanner to ring up the sale.  They swore they’d not let anyone track what they bought, and learn that their favorite guilty pleasure was… (quick look right, quick look left)… Pringles.

From our vantage point in today’s world, those fears seem almost quaint, don’t they?  Heck, bar codes have so successfully wiggled into every nook and cranny of our lives that even the Post Office uses them, adding them to our letters!   (See!!!  They were right!  The government is using the Post Office as cover for tracking us! No wonder the Post Office budget is always so out of whack!)

Actually, they were right, you know.  There are vast databases, full of information on you and your buying habits.  Between the checkout counter’s scanner, bar codes, and your “discount” card, there’s not much those computer files can’t find out about you.  The only thing they go wrong about “Big Brother” was just who it was being the brother!  They thought it was going to be Uncle Sam, but it turns out it’s Proctor & Gamble and Johnson & Johnson!

Now they’re worried about chips.  Chips to track you.  Chips to gather your most intimate details.  Chips that will turn it all INTO THE NEW WORLD ORDER!!!!   It’s the mark of Satan, all over again!

The world ends now!

or it doesn’t. Maybe next week.  Or the week after.  The details are a bit fuzzy.

 

* OK, not officially FROM Facebook.  Facebook just ends up as the bearer of the news of the end of the world.  Although, since it’s the end of the world, there’s probably no problem with shooting the messenger, right?