Visalia, CA – Mother Nature, in a blatant act of revenge, attempted to commit homocide* this afternoon. Using one of the most pervasive tools at her disposal, gravity, the suspect, generally considered a loving, benign caretaker of all things natural, tried to revenge herself for the recent actions of a local resident, Jim Reeves, 53.
On March 19, 2010, this website published an expose, written by Reeves, about Mother Nature, revealing a heretofore secret about the favoritism shown by her towards one particular member of her menagerie.
Yes, the dandelion. That expose, and recent attempts by the victim to remove them from his front yard, resulted in today’s attempt at homocide*. While the intended victim was on a ladder cleaning debris from rain gutters, Mother Nature increased friction between the ladder steps and his boots, and caused a sudden surge in the gravity field just beneath him. While the attempt caught the intended victim off guard, a quick and graceful (well, not graceful, but let’s not argue with success) cat-like mid-air twist resulted in a safe landing feet first on the sidewalk. The attack was thwarted by the quick reactions and general he-man-ness of the modest Visalia resident. “She may try again,” said Reeves, “but she’ll have to do better than that. I may be getting older, but I’m not an old man just yet! I suspect she’ll lay low for a while, but if I know her, she’ll try again. “
*yes, we know that’s not the correct spelling of homicide. Reeves’ insisted on this spelling. He’s also aware what speaking in the third person means.